he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
