I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
