it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
