and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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