My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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