8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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