For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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