We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Alive.
So much puke
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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