How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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