non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize