Buhtt sex?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
