I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
