I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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