Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
