the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
