I hate all girls vehemently.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
