i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
