so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
