I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
