My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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