she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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