did you get engaged???
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
