Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
