Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
