just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
