He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
