A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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