I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
