doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize