All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
