Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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