You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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