Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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