im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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