ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
