Apparently you make a good broom.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
