Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
