Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He felt like a one man threesome
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
