he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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