So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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