do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
