You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize