Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
