My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
