Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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