super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Randomize
