i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
