I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
