I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize