my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So squirting runs in the family.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
