Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
