playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
