we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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