where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
