i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
