I got chris browned last night
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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