As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
