also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
