you guys were way drunker than both of me
please come you make the beer taste better
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
