god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
