He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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