It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
