I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
