So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
