I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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