my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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