i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
