Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
